The Return to Routine

'Pops' funeral was this past Saturday. Thanks to all who showed their support in various ways. Look for the return to more active blogging in the next day or two. I hope to have a bit more time on my hands (keyboard?) over the next two weeks, before classes resume.

It's been a while

This is my first blog entry in quite a while. While I have lots of news to catch everyone up on, that will have to wait for another day.

Today our family mourns the death of my father-in-law Cornelius Quammie. He died at home, after a period of failing health. I bid your prayers for his family, as they mourn.

The light of day ...

Ah, the light of day(s) ... and the aid of a friend and reader! It would appear that my most recent musings have raised at least one eye brow - and for an arguably good reason.

It was less than 48 hours ago that I mused on my return to academia. I, rather inarticulately, explored my own thoughts about the distinctions between theory and practise ... academia and the less lofty pursuits of my prior employment history. My clumsy, pre-dawn ramblings may have raised the ire of more than one attentive reader, and for that I apologise.

Rather than annoy, I had hoped, instead, to articulate my own surprise, and occasional frustrations at the new surroundings in which I find myself. The productivity of said surroundings that my personal history has taught me to question. (Having said that - there is very little my personal history has not taught me to question).

For the record - the teaching profession is more than valuable - until humanity develops some type of genetic memory - teaching is essential. The methods of teaching, and of teachers, are plethora, and many (if not most) are good. It is to those, that I apologise for any slander my last post may have caused.

Blink ... Blink ... Blink ...

Okay - I can't sleep. 3 o'clock in the morning, and I'm wide awake! This is ridiculous ... and it's the second time it's happened in the last month or so.

Could be a number of things too ... school starts in less than a week - and this will likely be the last semester I spend in full time education for this programme. In some ways, I'm looking forward to returning to school. I don't know if you've ever heard of people who 'catch the travel bug' or who 'catch the acting bug' ... well ... I think I've 'caught the academia bug'.

In some ways this new found love is frustrating - I've always heard (and kind of believed) that 'those who can't do, teach', and I'm not even really talking about teaching, but being in the environment where people engage in the intelligent free exchange of ideas. Of course, one has to pay for that intelligent free exchange of ideas (hence calling into question the free part).

In some other ways, though, I'm looking forward to the completion of this degree and moving on. My friends at Myers'-Briggs would probably attribute this desire for closure to what they would call my "high J tendencies".

My lovely wife is on vacation this week, so we've had more time to catch up on things - again - that free exchange of ideas that the stuff of life sometimes interrupts. This has brought up a new mental snag for me (or should I just say another mental snag). I've realised that I'm also coming to terms with the fact that middle age is imminently looming.

I can just envision many of those who read this blog snickering into their pajama sleeves - most of my friends are older than I am, so my admissions may seems somewhat ... well ... maybe youthful.

On another note, in my email box today, I found a lovely email. A friend has invited me to take photos at his retirement party, later next month (see, older friends). This was a mixed blessing, because while I was very flattered that someone would trust me to record the images of such a significant event, and it is very significant, especially for him, I am also saddened because I realise how much this retirement thing is costing my friend, and how much grief work is going into it.

Well, maybe I'm going to crawl back into bed, and try to get back to sleep. Sweet dreams everyone.

Yet another first ...

Well, another first, for me. I preached this a.m. at a non-Anglican church, delivering a 30 minute sermon! Which is two to three times longer than what I've become accustomed to doing. I had received the invitation earlier this summer, and had planned it for some time after the finish of CPE.

I drew from 1 Samuel 3 and 1 Peter 2:1-10, as my selected texts (no lectionary here folks). I spoke on a call to consecrating one's life as holy - in response to God's indictment of Eli, and his sons, through Samuel, and Peter's writings on the priesthood of all believers. Truth be told I could have gone longer.

It taught me something about myself, though. When I first started at Trinity, I was somewhat uncomfortable with a more actively participatory role in the liturgy, having never served in such a public capacity before. Having spent great chunks of time away from the Anglican church that I had grown up in, things seemed different from my recollection. Today, when I preached, I was more conscious of how familiar, and comforting, the liturgy has become, and was conscious of policing myself for things that would be inappropriate in the context I found myself.

Well - an experience at the least - and at least now I know that I can speak for that long, if I need to.

A fishy time ...

Today was what is becoming our annual trip to Marineland. A good time was had by all - bipeds included.

While it was cool (read as comfortable) it did rain intermittently throughout the day.

It was a good opportunity for photography, but it would've been nicer had the rain held off. Lovely day if you're a dolphin though.

So ... how does that make you feel?

Like I never want to answer that question again ... at least not for the next month. I'm on vacation. I'm checked out. The sign on my den door says "Gone fishin''.

I'm glad I did it, but it (and I) are done! At least for now.

In a month, I'm up for a 3 month internship, in a parish ... but that's in a month.

Oh What a Night!

Yesterday was my last 'official' on-call shift of CPE. I say 'official' because I've signed up for 3 extras between the end of CPE and September. "Why?" you might ask - simple - money.

In one on call, I feel I did more that I would describe as chaplaincy, then I've done the preceding 11 weeks of CPE.

The day started by leading the chapel's standard 30 minute worship service. Despite being the last student led service of the summer, it represented a lot of personal firsts.

It was the first time I preached without notes - I intentionally did not write out my homily before hand. I am aware that, during previous preaching engagements, I tend to refer to my notes more than I should. This has the effect of distancing me from the congregation.

It was also the first time I got out of the pulpit, and preached from the transept. This was liberating! I chose to do so for a number of reasons. If one isn't using the pulpit to hold one's notes (or possibly a glass of water) it begs the question "What is the use of a pulpit, other than a barrier between the homilist and the congregation?". Before the advent of sound systems, elevating the homilist made it easier for him to be heard (and it was always him). In many denominational traditions, it became an symbol of the elevation of preaching. The latter is a view that I think is being challenged, especially by those who have experienced the homilist bringing his or her homily to the people's midst.

After the service, throughout my overnight stay at the hospital, I had four significant calls. Without breaking confidentiality, I think I can state that I had one patient who wanted a visit so as to discuss issues faith, finding that very helpful; another patient was being released after having come to through emergency, and needed to be clothed before being released; and I had the opportunity to journey with two families grieving the loss of loved ones at the extremes of the age spectrum.

I left the hospital earlier than normal today (at noon), because I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. I was so tired that my eyes clicked and I strongly suspect that I smelled a lot like a goat. I was alos emotionally drained. But it was an amazing priviledge to share the love of God publicly and privately.

Rub for Good Luck

Well, I've been far more delinquent in keeping my blog up to date, than I ever intended - at least this summer.

CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) continues. While it seems all consuming, I realise that I don't have it as bad off as those doing their work at other facilities. Yep, I'm getting off easy - I get to do my paperwork at the office, I don't have to make up any time I miss due to illness, etc (not that I've missed any, mind you).

CPE has also been an experience in multi-faith ministry. This past Friday, we attended a Buddhist temple, in Mississauga (hence the pic). Last week Monday, we were at a Hindu Temple in Scarborough. This coming week seems rather mundane - with no feel trips that I know of. I might actually spend some time with patients - we'll see.

With four weeks remaining in my CPE programme, we students have been offered the opportunity to help out for the rest of the summer, by taking on calls. Why would we do this, one might ask? Because they pay, and we're all students. Plus, this will have the added incentive that we won't have class work after an on call, like we normally would.

Anyhow, I should be off to bed, morning comes earlier.

Close ...

I received a telephone call from a representative of the Postulancy Committee who advised that they have elected not to offer me postulancy, at this time. I have been offered the opportunity for a 'debriefing meeting' (my word, not theirs), which holds the promise of a better insight into the committee's decision, as well as an opportunity to determine any future in the Diocese (I may reapply to this twice more). Furthermore, there is always the choice to apply to another diocese.

While I did find this decision disappointing, I remain grateful for the academic and ministry opportunities that I currently enjoy, as well as for the support of many close friends. I also remain hopeful, and covet your prayers, in my continued discernment for ministry.

In 90 seconds or less ...

Hi all;
Today I had an interview to become a postulant in the diocese. Postulancy is a formation process one goes through on the path to ordination, and usually takes approximately two years. It is a time for those in authority, in the church, to verify the existence of a vocational calling, in your life.

If the results of this interview are good, then I will be accepted as a postulant. This means that the earliest I would be ordained, as a deacon, would be spring 2008. Postulant ... doesn't sound like much, but right now it feels like a BIG deal.

I will hear by this Friday afternoon, so watch this space.

Ordination

So last night, I served at a friend's ordination to the diaconate. It was actually pretty cool. It was only the second ordination I've been to - much smaller and therefore more intimate than last one I went to.

Two friends were ordained last night - one each from the two Anglican Seminaries in Toronto. Both these two ladies were ordained as transitional deacons, essentially implying that they will become priests within the next year or two. There are also those who are ordained as vocational deacons, because they feel they have discerned a calling to remain deacons in perpetuity.

The dean and students of both colleges were there, and there was an opportunity to socialise with friends afterward.

You know, about 10 or 15 years ago, when all my friends were getting married, I'd occasionally overhear the single bridesmaids at these functions complain, or make complimentary comments while having rather insincere expressions on their faces. I recall kind of mentally rolling my eyes when I'd here this ... Oh come on ... you know what I mean ... you've been doing the same thing since you were 14 and your old auntie was still pinching your cheeks and telling you that you're soooooo cute.

While I would hope that I'm really not that shallow, I can also now understand (in a way) what it feels like to be simultaneously happy for someone and look forward to sharing in their experience.

"It's quiet ... too quiet"

It's been a bit since I've written. The stress of exams is past - I had my last one on Tuesday of this week. I think it went well enough, but can't be sure for a week or two yet, when I'll receive marks.

It's been pretty quiet around here this week. We started our kid at daycare, next door, in anticipation of my summer programme (see below). The centre seems good enough, and the people are friendly, but it seems a bit odd to be at home, and not have anyone else here. I've spent the last few days tidying - almost compulsively. Due to the workload this semester, I haven't paid as much attention as I ought to, and things have slipped. Now that I have nothing else to do, and no kid around the house most of the day .... not much else to do.

Starting this coming Monday, I will be involved in a programme called CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education). It's like a chaplaincy internship at a facility like a hospital or prison. I will be doing my programme at Scarborough Grace Hospital - a few minutes from home. I feel really honoured to have gotten in, considering the competition. There are 15 spots spread across 3 centres in the city. CPE is a compulsory part of my masters degree, and many diocese' require it prior to ordination, so it's a good credit all round.

Anyhow, I'm off for a bit of a walk. Hope everyone is taking advantage of our lovely spring weather.

The Countdown Continues

Ten days ago I posted a list of outstanding assignments until the end of term. The good news is that many of those have been crossed off my list:

1. 1 short paper: this is a group project in its final throes.
2. 1 longer paper: this is essentially completed. I'm submitting it Wednesday, and the only reason is I haven't printed and sealed it yet is just in case of any last minute inspiration. One never knows.
3. 1 day of lectures: these were done last Thursday (April 6th).
4. 2 exams: well ... these are still outstanding, and are scheduled for the morning of April 20th.
   

I do have a meeting this week to evaluate the viability of my internship proposal. I hope to be doing my full time internship starting this fall. I have submitted a proposal and have scheduled a meeting to discuss it with "the powers that be".

A further note: Now that a lot of this stuff is done, I'm down to watching the mailbox for news about my postulancy application. I've been trying (rather desperately) not to think about it, since I've been told not to expect to hear anything until at least the end of April or beginning of May.

"Up ... just up ... really ... I'm okay"

'Morning all. I am not the king of the early risers - especially lately, but at just before 5 this morning ... blink blink blink ... here I am world. So, I got up and plan to make use of the extra 90 minutes to take care of some odd jobs I've been meaning to do - like say study.

"Back in the day" when I actually had a money paying job, that started at 7 a.m., getting up at 5 or 5:30 was a pretty regular thing. I've fallen out of the discipline since I've been a stay-at-home and a student.

It's quiet now ... the coffee pot seems loud.

Off to study.

Post Script ...

By the way ... if anyone is looking for notes for the following courses, please email me specifying whether you'd prefer word or pdf format, and I will email them back to you. The courses are:

1. TRB 1007 HS (Old Testament, Professor J. Course)
2. TRH 2061 HS (Birth of Theology, Dean Neelands)
   
3. TRB 3719 HS (Pauline Ethics, Professor Ann Jervis)

Unofortunately, my notes are less detailed for my online course.

Hi all ...

I am still out here .. somewhere ... amidst term papers and exam notes. I hope to be a bite more proactive with posts within the next couple of weeks, when term will be over.

For those concerned folk, I have the following outstanding:

1. 1 short paper
2. 1 longer paper
3. 1 day of lectures left
   
4. 2 Exams (1 oral, 1 written)

I am also waiting to hear back from the diocese I applied to, as a postulant. As well, I am trying to finalise my internship arrangements for the fall before the end of this term, so I don't have to worry about it over the summer, when I'll be doing CPE at Scarborough Grace.

Anyhow, as I expect my life to be for the next couple weeks, at least, I have more reading to do.

Peace.

A little old, a little new ...

Today 'my' parish ran it's first confirmation class of the year. For those new to the idea of confirmation, it is a time when people make an opportunity to affirm their belief in the church's teachings and creedal statements.

Traditionally it is done once a year so that one's preparation is complete, and is confirmed, around Easter. Our parish is no exception to this tradition. The priest assigned a text for students to read, and has planned field trips to locations significant to Anglicans in Toronto.

They include the cathedral, the convent of the Sisterhood of St. John the Divine, Toronto's two Anglican seminaries, the Sea Farer's mission, and a
mission to the homeless.

I find this approach to confirmation to be quite intriguing, because it allows the participants to see the big picture of the church they are joining - it's not just confined to your parish.

As a child I remember that one was not allowed to receive Holy Communion until after confirmation. The idea being that prior to this rite of passage, you simply weren't old enough to "get it", intellectually, or to really comprehend what was going on.

While I'm not always sure that I "get it", I do think it is important for people to understand what they are participating in. I think that in many ways, the "getting it" is part of the faith that one grows into.

For those church traditions who practice infant baptism, having a rite such as confirmation, or catechism, or first communion, is important because it allows a person to mark out the boundaries of their own faith. When one is baptised as an infant, it represents a commitment someone else is making on your behalf, to raise you according to the tenets of their faith. When one is confirmed, it is an affirmation of one's own commitment.

I do not think that baptism is unimportant. I think that it is very important, and I also understand why some people say that it ought to be something someone chooses for himself (herself) rather than be submitted to. I also happen to think that there are some good explanations (which I won't go into here -- don't worry) as to why it can be done for infants.

Anyhow, I hadn't intended to post a dissertation on baptismal theology, but merely an update and a neat approach to something very old.

The picture attached was taken shortly after the first class tour. It faces west along Toronto's Front St., and depicts the city's famous Flatiron building in the foreground, with the city's financial scy scrapers in the mid ground, and the CN Tower off to the back and left of the frame.

With more than a little trepidation ...

I've applied to become a postulant in the Diocese of Toronto. That's right, I mailed it off last Friday.

Postulancy is an application process one goes through, in preparation for ordination. The process can take the better part of 2 years, to complete. That means, if I'm completely successful, I will be ordained to the diaconate (as a deacon) in the spring of 2008.

I say, with trepidation, because Toronto has the reputation for being one of the hardest places to get into. If I don't get into Toronto, I can always apply elsewhere, but there are family connections here in the city, and it would be nice to stay relatively close - especially with children.

So, for those of you with a prayerful bent, I would appreciate your support in this process. For those of you who've agreed to stand as references ... I really do thank you.

Watch this space for further info.

The pundits called it ...

We enter the day with a minority conservative government. Our province of Ontario has gone from 24 to 40 Conservative seats in parliament. Unfortunately for all Canadians a minority government will likely mean another short lived government. With such a close split between the parties, it will be quite difficult for the Conservatives to pass laws, etc.

To all my friends I would offer the following suggestion:
Pray for your (new?) MPP. This is doubly true if you didn't vote for them, because that only goes to show they need the extra help.

Secondly, drop them an email of congratulation, recognising their hard work and efforts in campaigning to be your voice - independent of their political stripe! Again - even if you didn't vote for them, you can still recognise the effort they put into getting where they are.

After all, these are the people you will want to contact, encouraging them to speak your voice in our government, for as long as it lasts.

Well folks - have a good day.

... and this just in ...

Well, the Mrs. and I are just back from casting our civic duty to the wind. Let's see, I think the predictions are pretty obvious:

• a minority government for sure, meaning a short lived government, with an average life span of approx. 2 yrs.
• if (and this is a considerable if) the polls are correct it'll be a Conservative government, which will be interesting, considering this would be the first time that this Conservative party would take office, since the old Progressive Conservative and Reform parties merged.

I think that the Canadian concept of 'conservative' is a bit skewed. Consider the number of years that many people considered the two words Progressive and Conservative as aptly placed beside each other.

Furthermore, I wonder if those who vote for our recently formed Conservative party are actually casting a vote toward conservation? Are they, or the party they're supporting, truly aiming towards conserving the status quo?

I often ponder a situation I am faced with at the polls, and its one that can border on inspiring pessimism, if I let it. It's more of a conundrum really. I go to the polls, year after year, to exercise my vote, confident in the knowledge that the candidate I vote for will never see the light of office. This does not mean that I think my incumbent is particular bad, or negligent ... in fact ... as an individual, I think he does a fair job ... for a politician. It has more to do with the fact that I can't ethically support his party, so I am forced to vote for the BIG picture, fully expecting that my vote will not mean much, locally.

Of course, when it comes do it, six months from now, when everyone else is complaining, I can throw my arms up, and self-righteously exclaim "Don't blame me ... I didn't vote for 'em!".

Have a good night folks, and don't stay up too late watching the news, it is a school night after all.

Classes resume ...

Yesterday marked the beginning of classes. I am rounding out my electives in both the Bible and History categories by taking two courses in each. For those who've asked I've signed up for:

• Intro to Old Testament (John Course)
• Pauline Ethics (Ann Jervis)
• The Birth of Theology (aka the History of Patristic Theology) (D. Neelands)
• 17th, and 18th C. Evangelical Spirituality

This will also be the first semester that I'm spending so much of my time at my home college. The first three courses are all at Trinity, all on Thursday, and the first two are even in the same room.

More good news is that I've just received an email to interview for my CPE component, which I'm hoping to do at Scarborough Grace, this spring. CPE is, essentially, a chaplaincy internship usually done at either a hospital, jail, or some other institutional environment.

I'll be glad to get it started, because it represents a major component in my education - kind of a milestone, in a way. I'm also kind of crossing my fingers, a bit, because in the entire city of Toronto, there are only 15 spots, spread over 3 centres, for students to take this course, so there's a bit of jockeying to be done.

Well, I suppose I ought to make an effort at getting back to the books, a little, before turning in. The one thing about this time of the semester is that it can seem quite overwhelming ... a lot to do.

G'night.

"What I did on my Christmas Vacation"

Do you remember those essays you wrote in grade school? As our butcher asked me about my vacation, today, I realised it's been a few days since I submitted a posting.

Well, I received a new digital camera as an early Christmas gift, and I'm lovin' it. This was the big coup of the season! (Photos courtesy of the new toy.) Needless to say, there were plenty of opportunities to play, before classes began.

As well, I received the latest installment of the Harry Potter series "The Half-Blood Prince", which I stayed up until 11:30 last night to finish, so that I could be done before classes resume this Thursday. I read it's six hundred pages in slightly over two days, and thoroughly enjoyed the adventure, although the twist ending was somewhat disheartening.

Last but not least, I also received a copy of "For All the Saints", a list of readings and collects for use in the Anglican liturgy. This tome, compiled by my theology professor, Fr. Stephen Reynolds, sets out to provide a brief history, and selected prayers and readings, that commemorate the work of our forefathers in the faith. It's an excellent resource for any [aspiring] clergy person.

There were also gift certificates from kind friends and family, which I am sure will come in handy.

Until next time ...